


5 Times Clint Barton Was Horrified by His Friends ('s Sexual Activities) + 1 Time He Got Revenge

by silverfoxflower



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Exhibitionism, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, POV Outsider, Polyamory, Poor Clint, clint never catches a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:59:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2263692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverfoxflower/pseuds/silverfoxflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time is Clint’s fault. He should’ve known never to investigate the weird sounds coming from behind the closed door, he is such the stupid white guy in a horror movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Times Clint Barton Was Horrified by His Friends ('s Sexual Activities) + 1 Time He Got Revenge

Clint burns down his apartment. Well, it’s a little fire and quickly contained but the smoke damage alone is taking a dent out of his savings (okay, _literally_ , the smoke has damaged the cash he keeps stuffed between his mattress why oh why did he not listen to Natasha about shady off-shore investments) so he can’t even afford a hotel during the repairs.

He comes knocking at Natasha’s door with his cardboard box of possessions in his hands and hears “Don’t let the pyro in!”

"It was Kate Bishop’s fault!" he hollers back.

Three minutes later, Steve opens the door, holding a dish towel over his dick. This is not a promising sign of things to come.

.

The first time is Clint’s fault. He should’ve known never to investigate the weird sounds coming from behind the closed door, he is _such_ the stupid white guy in a horror movie.

But it’s late. And the couch is lumpy and he has to pee. He’s half asleep as he pads down the hallway and hears a whining, mewing sound coming from the room across the bathroom.

For some fucking reason, in his brain-addled state, Clint thinks that Nat’s cat has come back and hey, he likes cats. Not as much as dogs, but cats are cool and he wants to pet it so he opens the door making smoochy noises and that’s just the worst decision of his life.

_"AHHHH!"_ Clint screams upon seeing Steve riding Bucky’s dick like he stole it. Just. Full moons over Bethesda.

_"AHHHH!"_ Steve screams in reply and falls sideways off of Bucky’s lap, with Bucky’s dick still in him.

Bucky doesn’t as much scream as make this horrifying, strangled whine as they both hit the floor and Clint is out of there he’s _so out of there sweet baby Jesus._

He passes Natasha as he’s sprinting down the hallway. She’s holding a saucer of milk and Liho is winding around her ankles. They both look at him. Liho meows.

Clint decides that he hates cats.

..

"So you’re … what, collecting strays now?" Clint asks, shoveling cereal into his mouth like he’s personally offended by it.

"No," Natasha smirks as Bucky slides a plate of bacon in her direction and a glare in Clint’s direction. He's been moving around the kitchen all morning with a noticeable limp. "You’re my only stray. These boys are my harem."

"I take offense at that," Steve says, turning from the counter where he’s been feeding slices of bread into the toaster. The entire loaf, it seems, is being browned four slices at a time and piled onto a trench-like plate. Supersoldier metabolism must be a marvelous thing.

"I don’t," the balcony door slides open and Sam steps in. Just like, a super dramatic entrance complete with lightly singed wings drawing back against his body, chest gleaming and bared in the morning sun. No man should look that good in red spandex, it was a _crime_. “I’m not entirely sure what we’re talking about, but if Steve takes offense at it, I’m in.” Steve laughs and chucks a piece of toast at him, which Sam catches with a little bit of fumbling. 

"How was Florida?" Bucky asks as Sam moves forward to kiss Natasha on the cheek and grope Steve’s ass as he chews on his toast. Clint’s semi-terrified he’ll be included in the welcome back affections but Sam just nods at him friendly-like and grabs another handful of Steve’s ass.

"Humid." Sam says, opening the fridge door and grabbing a jaw of peanut butter. "Full of AIM minions. Who, coincidentally, are really hard to fight when _someone_ keeps sending me sexts in the middle of battle.”

"You said you wouldn't share those!” Steve throws Natasha an aghast look, his face pinkening rapidly.

She shrugs with a beatific smile as Sam says, “Wait, no. There are Steve pictures? I was talking about the ones from Bucky.”

"I called the post-mission blowjob!" Bucky says, walking across the kitchen to pet Sam’s sweaty abs, then sinking to his knees.

And _that_ is Clint’s cue to take his cereal to the living room.

…

Post-mission blowjobs turn into post-mission orgies??? Clint is hungry and disgruntled and the volume button on the TV doesn’t go any louder.

….

He thinks it’s safe, okay, he even calls out, “Natasha, have you seen the Resident Evil: Apocalypse DVD?” and she answers, “Yeah, it’s in here,” which for any normal person means I’m _not_ currently being eaten out by my boyfriend(?) on the bay window seat in the study but there you go.

"It’s on the shelf next to the computer," she doesn’t even have the decency to look up, absorbed in her Russian tabloid. Clint's horrified gaze follows the line of Natasha's arm down to where she's running the fingers of her free hand through Bucky’s hair as he bobs his head between her thighs, making _wet sucking noises_ that’ll haunt Clint’s dreams forever and ever.

"I hate you all," he says and stomps out of the room without the movie.

…..

"Okay." Clint announces, throwing his handful of dirty laundry on the floor. "You’re fucking with me. I _know_ you’re fucking with me.”

"He found us out," Bucky says dryly as he throws Steve a towel to cover himself. He continues sitting unabashedly nude on the rumbling washing machine. "We’re only having amazing, frequent sex to spite Clint. Everybody go home. Game over."

Natasha eases her mouth off of Steve’s cock delicately, wiping at the corner of her lips as she leans back against Sam’s chest. “Sorry, Clint. I did tell you to crash at Stark’s place.”

"I would, but he, Pepper and Rhodey are even _worse_.”

-

"Oh," Natasha says, making a face. 

"I’m never going to unsee this," Sam says mournfully, "Am I?"

"God, Clint." Steve says sternly. "Just put that down. _Please_."

Bucky just shakes his head slowly.

"You guys," Clint said, retrieving the pizza slice from where it had fallen behind the couch and brushing off the dirt and hair. "Stop overreacting, it’s just pizza."

He takes a big bite to the sound of everyone’s vehement disgust.

**Author's Note:**

> [more fics](http://actualmenacebuckybarnes.tumblr.com/tagged/myfic) can be found on [my tumblr](http://actualmenacebuckybarnes.tumblr.com)!


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